I started Chronicles a couple years ago as an outlet for my writing. At the time, I was a first time Mommy to my Russell and had recently left my teaching job to focus on raising him. Chronicles of Tisha was a way to let my thoughts out and allow others insight into my life, in hopes of inspiring, educating, affirming, or enlightening others. As a new Mom, I know I loved seeing that I was not the only one going through whatever it was that I was going through. As with a lot of things in my life, however, I started and then stopped. I’m really good at creating an idea and not following it through to completion. I am consistently inconsistent. In the back of my mind, I knew that I was called to write in a public forum but I allowed everything else to get in the way of it.
Fast forward to this year. We now have 2 kids (Hey Russell & Ryan! Mommy loves you forever!) and I just turned 30. (This is the LAST time we mention numbers when it comes to my birthday. Last time, folks.) I had been thinking of starting the blog back up but, I let the excuses speak louder than the desire. A couple weeks ago, I was talking to my husband about our future, specifically mine. I felt overwhelmed at the thought of not being able to resume my career until the boys were in school. That’s another 5 years! And honestly, I didn’t even know if I wanted to go back to teaching. Even though I love being able to watch my boys grow and help them develop into healthy and intelligent young men, I felt stagnant. Around this time, Ricky and I were given the opportunity to facilitate a Bible study series on money at one of our local church’s and we studied the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30). I was struck by this question we asked of the young adults:
“What are you doing with what you have NOW?”
I can get stuck on the island of “if only”, isolating myself in hypothetical situations created in my mind. If only I had a job. If only I had someone to watch the kids. If only I had started a different career path years ago. If only, if only, if only. But guess who just bought a one way ticket off that island and has settled in the land of opportunities? THIS girl. I’ve replaced my “if only”s with “what if”s. What if I give my all in what I have now? What if I restart the blog? What if THIS is where I’m supposed to be instead of where I’m supposed to wait? I may not have a job outside of my home but I can do my best job with what’s inside now. I can be the best wife to Ricky, the best mother to Russell and Ryan, the best daughter to Marc-Arthur, Novita, Patrick, and Magali, the best sister to Marco, Michael, Michelle, Tanny and Job, and the best friend to TOO many people to list.I can do MY best with this blog. I can do MY best with who and what I am surrounded with right now.
So what is your best? What are you doing NOW with what you have? It may not be easy to get started but don’t let the prospect of hard work cripple you into not beginning at all. Maybe, like me, you’ve started something and somewhere along the line, you tapered off. Don’t let shame of other people’s thoughts or laziness keep you from going after your desires! Thomas Edison once said, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”
Even with all the motivation in the world, doubts and fear creep up on me and tell me “You’re not as smart as so and so, so just let it go.” or “You’re DEFINITELY not as put together as so and so, so just stay where you are.” Some of that is true. There will always be many people whose intelligence far surpasses mine and who are so much more well spoken than I am. There will always be someone who has a better grasp on life than me and who looks a million times better than I do while juggling much more than I can. But I find reassurance in this: no one else will ever do me better than me. All I can do is be the best me that I can and give my all in fulfilling my purpose.
So today, if you feel that you are doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, I applaud and encourage you! If you’ve started something, and haven’t seen it through, I urge you to start again. If you’ve never started on something that you’ve always wanted to, start NOW! Don’t let excuses or your former failings stand in your path. Pray. Plan. And this Spring, like the flowers blooming all around us, start F R E S H.